I finished my exam today, it was good. Not good in the sense that I’ll pass, but good in the sense that I have much to learn. I only need 50% to pass, so here’s hoping I made it. If not, at least I made a friend today, the guy with the hacks candy. He told me his name but I’m not good with names.
The traffic crawled to a stop as I entered the huge line of cars. It’s obvious what had happened, and coincidentally, the audiobook I was listening to was just mentioning about a certain car accident and how it killed a partner and a friend. It was a book about American Gods and I’ve just started listening to it today.
There’s gonna be a celebration, he says. Well, it happened last time he passed the exam, a lower level several years ago. They invited all the candidates who passed and had a mini sushi party. That’s nice, I replied, pondering if I’ve managed a passing grades and whether or not I should ask for his contact number. I didn’t.
I listened in silence as the traffic crawled ever so slightly, rainfall splattered over my windshield as the rain intensified. Glancing at my dashboard, only five minutes have passed and traffic is still at a crawl. At least I can enjoy my book while I wait.
The moment I got home, I threw myself in bed, exhausted. When was the last time I took a proper exam? A full two to three hour paper, filling in bubble sheets, raking my brain hard trying to squeeze out any signs or clues as to what the answer might be. I used to be good at this.
The sedan stood vertically on its side, the car in front of it seems to have crashed into the barrier, and the police was already there controlling the situation. A few other cars lined up nearby, I’m guessing it’s the families, or perhaps random strangers who happened to be involved. The rain seems to have weakened and I wonder, what exactly happened that made the sedan stood vertically?
I do wonder sometimes, why did I chose to take the exam? I don’t really need the certification and I’m not planning to do anything with it. Personal pride? An objective way to test myself and see how capable I really am? Or perhaps an external validation to show that my years of partial effort weren’t all in vain? Or did I took it just for the sake of taking it?
I do wonder sometimes, what goes on people’s mind just moments before the crash, the spike in adrenaline, and the horrendous impact. Did they see it coming? Did the whole event unfold in front of their very eyes in slow motion? Or was it all just a blur? And what were they feeling in that very brief moment? The adrenaline? Fear? Regret? Remorse? Or perhaps excitement?
Perhaps it was for the excitement, a test I wasn’t confident in passing, a test that really stretched me to my limits. I do hope I pass, and if not, there’s always next year. Maybe that’s what the driver felt as well, racing in the rain at night under the cover of darkness, stretching their driving skills and testing them to the limit. But unlike my exam, fail and there might not be a next time.